On the roof of a mall in San Jose.... In front of two grown men.
Try your hardest to beat that.
I once pooped in a lunch box...
(55 posts) (29 voices)-
Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
I drove 14 miles one morning to take a poop at a Gas station while heading to a job site.
It was 5 AM and the AM PM wasn't open.
I beat on the door until the guy came out from the storage area.
He wouldn't let me come in because it was 20 minutes before they opened.
I pooped behind the dumpster by the the pumps and wiped my bottom with a SASS T-Shirt I had in my work truck.
Beat either of those.
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
in a cemetary once, while there was a burial going on.
there was no place else to stop the car.
i didn't have toilet paper.
had shorts at ankles... didn't realize i had been pissing into them the entire time.
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
one time, i woke up and only wearing boxers go in to the bathroom to splash some water on my face with the dog running around my feet. i then sneezed and a poop flew out of my ass. It didn't make contact with my boxers or anything. a good solid 5 incher. I didn't even know it happened until i looked down and saw this beast lying on the ground. for the longest time i swore it was the dog because of the lack of evidence... til i came to terms...
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
On a car's windshield. Spelled out the word "GOAT".
Don't care to get into the story any more than that.
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
Bwahahaha :) I'll take "human anatomy in relation to geographical locations" for a thousand Alex :)
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
A few summers ago, a couple of my friends and I went up to a small lake near Lake Shasta (Lake Siskiyou) to camp and have a good time before all of us go our seperate ways with college and whatnot.
We were all relaxing on the beach one afternoon, and I got extremely bored. The beach is about 1.5 miles away from our campsite, so we had driven one car to the beach. I was the only one who wanted to go back the the campsite and start cooking so I could eat, but no one else wanted to. They all wanted to stay another hour or so, so I said "Fuck it, I'm walking back". We agreed to meet at the campsite in an hour, and I started walking. About 100 yards down the road I get hit with fat stomach cramps and I know I have to take a huge shit. I could've walked back to the beach, which was again only 100 yards away, but I was stubborn and lazy and thought I could make it back to the campsite and the bathrooms there. So I clench my buttcheeks together and the cramps go away.
Every 30 seconds or so, I get another wave of cramps. You know when you have to squeeze your buttcheeks together and you have to stand in one place otherwise you'll crap? Ya, that was me. I didn't wanna prarie dog it, since I had an inkling it was gonna be a wet one, so I held it in. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ran into the woods by the side of the road. I got behind a fat tree and pulled down my white boardshorts. I squatted and let loose the grossest shit ever. It was like a disgusting, wet cowpie and just like plopped onto the ground. In my moment of glory and relief, I forgot that when you do #2, you also have to do #1.
Imagine this, I am squatting with my boardshorts around my knees, so basically my butt is just hanging out. When I pee'd, I pee'd all over my knees and legs and shorts, and in my suprise I kinda hopped back to get away from it and lost my balance. I basically landed on my own shit. So here I am with urine all over my legs, and watery poo all over my white boardshorts. I'm so amazed at my predicament that I kinda chuckle at how fucked this is.
I tough it out and start walking back to my campsite, which is still over a mile away. RIGHT as I get onto the road, my damn sandal thong breaks, so now I have to basically drag my foot along the ground to keep the sandal on it. So here I am, hobbling over a mile on a main road with cars passing me, with brown diarrhea all over my white shorts, dragging my foot like a gimp so I don't lose my sandal. I have no idea what the drivers who saw me were thinking, but I kinda would like to know.
Do I win?
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
blutters said: I took a dump that posts here under the screen name "shinobi."
i thought it was Peh(chinese for poop)#'s?
anyway i had food poisoning, a friends gf was driving me home, i asked her to pull over because i had to barf, and then shit myself when i barfed. had to ride another hour with her with shitty pants to get home
awesome
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
Doc you posted another genius story once about a girl taking you home after a concert and shitting her bed.
Myself, after a long night of drinking and concert going driving home the following day I got about halfway home and felt a rumble in my stomach, pulled into an empty building lot. found a post and leant up against it and dropped the most unholy shit ever. Realizing I had no TP I quickly ripped off my button up and took my undershirt off and did the deed with it. I left the t shirt hanging on that pole as a present
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
i was completely blitzed at some party in college. was walking down the hall to my suite when nature made the call. it was just one of those out-of-nowhere shits that demand your attention and refuse to wait, so despite the fact that my place was like 20 feet away i just walked right into the trash room and laid down a dump in one of the trash barrels. that shit thundered out in like 5 seconds flat, it probably weighed at least 3 lbs... i wiped my ass when i got home and passed out. totally forgot what happened until the next day i just happened to pass by the trash room when the janitor was picking up the trash... sorry joe
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
jza said: Doc you posted another genius story once about a girl taking you home after a concert and shitting her bed.
Myself, after a long night of drinking and concert going driving home the following day I got about halfway home and felt a rumble in my stomach, pulled into an empty building lot. found a post and leant up against it and dropped the most unholy shit ever. Realizing I had no TP I quickly ripped off my button up and took my undershirt off and did the deed with it. I left the t shirt hanging on that pole as a presentoh yeah. that was in south lake tahoe actually, after a george clinton concert. brutal
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
its like the old bmb story thread
i was 7 or 8 playing in the championship game for my local little league team. i had the stomach flu that entire week and had to play the game against my better judgement. i got up to bat, and then it hit me.
one
swing
and i made contact with the ball. and soon after that the squirts made contact with my white baseball pants. i continued to run the bases with poopy pants. i finished the game with poopy pants. we won the game with my poopy pants.
i was too young and too embarrassed to tell anyoneto top it all off my coach asked to take a picture with me after the game. he got close to me and commented on how bad it smelled.
thankfully the baseball field was nearby a trash dump so i guess i won that battle -
Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
blutters said: I took a dump that posts here under the screen name "shinobi."
Christ dude. wtf don't you understand. vagina tastes good and lesbians are awesome. I'm on your side.
lessons are awesome. so are unemployed pseudo doctors whose wives fuct other dudes.
lesbian scat porn is fucking gross though.
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
I was riding with friends at Alpine Meadows when I cut their day short when I had to poop. Drove the 20 minutes back to the house so I could poop nekkid and then shower. Almost shit my snow pants when I fell doing a simple 180 on 1/4.
That was the only time I've ever had to take a dump when riding, ever. I blame the breakfast taquito from 7-Eleven.
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Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
A friend of mine:
He's visiting someone and the host explains not to feed the cat. Cat's been acting strangely, and has not been to the litter box in several days. After witnessing two days of non-stop discussion about whether or not to go to the expense of seeing the vet my friend decides to take action. Early one morning he gets up and lays winding, corn-cobbled pipe in the cat's box. Of course, the hosts are checking every day to see if kitty is back to regular. What a surprise that morning, ha ha ha. -
Posted 11 months ago #I once pooped in a lunch box...
Don't think I can beat Alka, but...
When I was around 12-13, my brother was hogging the bathroom and wouldn't get out, despite my pleas for mercy. I mean like 30-45 minutes type nonsense. Just wouldn't get out.
So I pulled out a few pieces of notebook paper and laid them on his floor. I proceeded to squat and lay down some nice fat coils and of course, piss on his floor.
My parents were so flaggergasted that they didn't even punish me.
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